Edo's Biggest Pain
by Sadistic Rigger
Summary: (Written by request) Hijikata is fed up with irresponsible Gintoki always getting in the way of the Shinsengumi and decides it's time to give the man a punishment he can't get out of for once. (Warning: Contains Spanking)


Hijikata left his Hijikata special only half finished as he exited his favorite bar to walk the streets of Edo once more to patrol around for lawbreakers. He was a bit concerned that the biggest lawbreaker of them all, that disgusting sugar freak Gintoki, wasn't there in the bar as well eating his usual mess of azuki beans. If he wasn't there then where was he?

Hijikata sighed. He took out his mayonnaise lighter and lit a cigarette; taking a long puff on it he walked down the streets only half looking for trouble. Gintoki had his mind preoccupied. That man was by far the biggest threat to the Shinsengumi that had ever come to exist. He was, in Hijikata's mind, just as bad as those Joui rebels if not worse.

"Where is that pain in the ass?" Hijikata grumbled, taking another puff on his cigarette.

"What mayo freak? Lose that leader of yours again?" Hijikata turned to see Gintoki walking out of a pachinko parlor. "Did you check wherever Otae is?"

Gintoki didn't wait for Hijikata to respond. He walked down the street toward his place above Otose's Snack Shop. Hijikata followed him a bit all the while fuming. The man got away with everything! He lived a careless life without paying rent. He committed crimes without a care. He made messes without a thought for those who would have to come in after him and clean everything up while taking the blame for the explosions, strange body mutations, and other odd shenanigans that seemed to follow Gintoki wherever he went!

 _"Most of the time it's us having to do the clean up. The man is like a child without parental guidance."_ Hijikata growled. He stopped fast when something caught his eye. There on the side of the road was a man selling an assortment of useless trinkets. One such trinket caught the Vice-Captain's eye. A large wooden paddle shaped like a mayonnaise bottle. "Oi. How much for that?"

"Sir! For you a special price of 2000 yen!" The odd lizard-like Amanto rubbed his hands together greedily.

Hijikata took out his wallet and paid the price without complaint. He couldn't get the thought out of his head. What better way to punish the biggest pain in the ass in Edo than with real pain in the ass? He twirled the paddle around in his hands unsure of whether or not he was going to go through with it. The paddle was a better quality than he expected. A thick, solid oak just the right size to punish both cheeks at once. He closed his eyes and imagined the guilty sadist finally getting a taste of his own medicine. Finally, a fight against Gintoki he would win.

"If he's home alone I'll do it. If those kids are there I'll leave and forget this whole thing." Hijikata thought.

The decision made he walked toward Otose Snack House and soon headed up to it's second floor. He didn't bother announcing himself he just threw the door opened and entered Odd Jobs Gin-Chan.

"What are you doing here?" Gintoki frowned and flicked a booger towards him. "Gorilla isn't here."

"Where are those brats of yours?" Hijikata looked around at the empty place. He'd hidden his paddle in his jacket and felt the weight of it against his arm. Would he get to use it?

"They took Soyo out to an Otsu concert. I prefer the singing of the pachinko machine." Gintoki grumbled. "Even if it didn't sing for me today."

Hijikata's heart rate sped up. Fate was telling him to do it. Here was an opening. Was he going to go back on his own decision? Even after the annoying man admitted to spending all his money gambling?

"You could probably be a credit to Edo if you tried." Hijikata put out his cigarette and stepped closer.

"You? You're going to lecture me?" Gintoki put on his best mocking smile. "Or are you trying to butter me up? Neh? You here to ask me on a date? Been reading too much yaoi now you want to be part of one?"

Hijikata didn't reply. He stood next to Gintoki and stared at him. Gintoki's smile changed to a nervous one.

"What do you want? Oogushi-kun?"

"Again with the Oogushi-kun?!" Hijikata glared down at Gintoki who, never one to back down from a challenge, stood up to glare back at him.

This was the opening Hijikata had waited for. He sat down and kicked Gintoki behind the knee. Gintoki, taken off guard, fell as his knees buckled and Hijikata grabbed him by the wrist and steered him over his lap. He held him around the waist and Gintoki flailed around.

"Let me up. Someone is going to get the wrong idea. Let me up, Mayo-Bastard!" Gintoki tried to reach for his wooden sword which leaned against sofa, but Hijikata quickly kicked it across the floor.

Hijikata gave a smack to Gintoki's upturned ass and the man craned his neck to glare at him.

"I don't want to be part of your yaoi fantasies! Red! I'm calling Red!" Gintoki complained loudly.

"Not yaoi fantasies!" Hijikata hissed back. "You've been the biggest pain in my ass since we've met it's time for me to give back a bit of what you've given me."

"I'm convinced I've never given you anything like this." Gintoki struggled more fiercely as Hijikata delivered three harsh spanks to his trouser-clad bottom.

It was just pissing him off, it wasn't getting through to him at all. Hijikata propped him up a bit more and reached down to undo the belt of his trousers. It wasn't easy with Gintoki struggling in that position, but he was determined to go through with the well-earned punishment.

"Don't you dare!" Gintoki warned him, knowing what the man had in mind.

"You're in no position to make demands or threats." Hijikata reminded him. He was enjoying this a lot more than he thought he would. He pulled Gintoki's trousers down to rest on his knees revealing his pink strawberry boxers. "Maybe you'll be more receptive to this, Yorozuya."

Hijikata gave two firm smacks to each cheek and Gintoki hissed at the sudden sting. It was a lot more painful without the protection of his pants. Gintoki dug his fingernails into the legs of Hijikata's pants and the other began a rhythmic assault on his ass cheeks.

"Enough of this. Enough." Gintoki called out, switching from taunting and trying a more reasonable approach. "What do you want from me?"

"I want you to stop being an irresponsible menace. Do you know how difficult it is for the Shinsengumi when you're involved?" He accented his words with a spank.

"I feel-ow- the same -ow- way when we have to deal with you -ow- Shinsengumi!" Gintoki yelled out. "It's no walk in the park! You blow up- ow- more things than we do! You're the menace!"

 _He's right about one thing. Sogo can cause a lot of trouble._ _I wonder if this would be effective on Sogo too._ The possibilities were adding up in his mind as he thought of his mayonnaise paddle and all the people who would benefit from it. Can't have him talking back though.  
"W-wait!" Gintoki felt Hijikata's fingers under the waistband of his underpants. "Don't!"

"You aren't getting what you want this time." Hijikata tugged down Gintoki's underwear to rest with his pants at his knees. His ass was already taking on a light pink color. If Hijikata was uninterrupted it would be a nice angry red by the time he was done. "Got anything to say before we continue?"

"I'm going to get you back for this." Gintoki called angrily. "This doesn't end here!"

The sound of bare hand hitting Gintoki's bare ass echoed around the room and Gintoki began to grunt in pain. His rear end was taking on a nice rosy color which almost made Hijikata smile. It was the color of the man's beloved strawberry milk. Gintoki was stubborn and still struggled to get off his lap and escape the spanking.

 _Smack. Smack._ The sounds of the spanks and those of Gintoki's cries were all that filled both men's ears. Hijikata wasn't relenting, but Gintoki was also remaining stubborn. Hijikata removed his hand from Gintoki's ass and looked at it. It was also a bit pink and it was starting to sting. Gintoki relaxed and seemed relieved.

"It's not over." Hijikata delighted in telling his naughty captive. Gintoki began his struggle one again, but the Vice-Chief could tell he was wearing down. Hijikata removed his paddle from his jacket and looked it over. He couldn't imagine being on the receiving end of the thick oak. It was a even more satisfying that it was shaped like mayonnaise. Mayonnaise could also get it's revenge against the man for all the untrue things he'd spouted about it in the past. "My hand is starting to hurt. Since this isn't my punishment I brought something to remedy this."

Gintoki tried to see, but couldn't turn himself enough to view the instrument.

"This." Hijikata showed him the paddle and Gintoki's dead-fish eyes finally had some life to them.

"You aren't going to hit me with that ridiculous thing. Look. Whatever I did to piss you off I didn't mean it. It's just our back and forth. It's what makes us work so well together. We're a good team you and I." Gintoki pleaded.

"Sure." Hijikata said dismissively. He held the paddle over Gintoki's ass. Gintoki wiggled his ass and kicked his legs trying to get away, but Hijikata held him and brought the paddle down hard. It made a loud crack as it made contact and Gintoki cried out in pain. Hijikata brought it down again and tears formed at the corner of Gintoki's eyes. The paddle was large enough to punish both cheeks at once and his inner sadist couldn't take that much pain.

"I-I'm sorry!" Gintoki called out hopelessly. Hijikata brought the paddle down again and the man whimpered as a tear fell down his cheek.

"You've been seriously irresponsible and annoying. You need to man up. You have children to take care of so you can't go around acting like a brat yourself. This town relies a lot on you." Hijikata lectured.

"I know." Was the only response Gintoki gave.

"If you can count the last ten I'll let you up." Hijikata gave the ultimatum and was surprised when Gintoki nodded submissively and replied, "Okay."

A loud cracking sound marked the first strike.

"O-one." Gintoki flinched.

Hijikata brought the paddle down again.

"Two." Gintoki cried out. He was no longer struggling over Hijikata's lap. He just kicked his legs in pain whenever he was struck. It was a nice vision, seeing Gintoki submit to him in this way and do as he was told.

"Three." The third strike echoed around the room. Hijikata brought the paddle down a few more times.

"S-Seven. Ow. Please no more." Gintoki shivered as more tears fell down his cheeks.

"I said ten. I mean ten." Hijikata watched the chastised man below him and rubbed his red bottom lightly. He knew it must really sting. Hijikata liked seeing a deserving criminal well punished, but he wasn't as much of a sadist as Sogo or Gintoki. Gintoki shivered and whimpered as Hijikata slowly rubbed his stinging ass. "Three more."

"Fine." Gintoki sniffled. Hijikata brought down the paddle. A nice red imprint of a mayonnaise bottle had formed upon Gintoki's ass.

"Eight!" Gintoki howled through his tears.

Another crack.

"Nine!"

Hijikata brought the paddle down as hard as he could and Gintoki's scream of pain could be heard from the street. He sobbed openly over Hijikata's lap.

"Gintoki." Hijikata warned.

"T-T-Ten!" Gintoki managed through his sobs.

"It's over. Shhh. Try to be good from now on." Hijikata rubbed his back soothingly. Gintoki stayed draped over his lap, thoroughly punished and not willing to move unless told to lest he risk the man's wrath and meet his paddle once again. He moved toward the touch and seemed to enjoy the comfort. Hijikata enjoyed it as well. Gintoki looked good over his lap. His punished bottom glowed red and was a sight to behold.

The door burst open and there in the doorway stood two teenagers.

"Shinpachi!" Kagura quickly covered his glasses as if he were the innocent young girl. "Don't look! Gin-Chan is living out his homosexual, masochist fantasies!"

"I thought Gin-San was a sadist." Shinpachi responded casually. "So that's what you do when we aren't home, Gin-San."

Kagura quickly shut the door so Hijikata and Gintoki were left alone once more.

The look of horror on Hijikata's face was mirrored by Gintoki's own. Hijikata allowed Gintoki to roll off his lap and onto the floor. Gintoki hissed when his sore ass hit the ground. He rubbed it a few times, then carefully pulled up his clothes.

"I'm never going to hear the end of this from them. I'm going to get you for this, bastard." Gintoki said with an evil smile. "Just you wait."

"That's fine." Hijikata said with his own demonic smile. He glanced back at Gintoki and held up the paddle. "If you try anything this will be waiting for you."


End file.
